I was going to write about Dentists.....

Ok, now that I've finished laughing till I had to change my depends 5 times, I'll write about Dentists.

As previously mentioned in this lovely little space of mine, I hate stupidity. Mine own included. This is why I feel that I should warn everyone in the world about the stupidity of ignoring your dentist. (They get very lonely and are often sad for hours on end thinking of how hated they are.) I should say reviled, I revile all dentists. Except for Nouli. She's a good Dentist I think. Well, i wouldn't know. But she makes a killer Mai Tai and knows how to jump off BIG rocks into freezing cold water. I think that makes her a good dentist.

Don't ignore your dentist. You will have pain. I promise. You will have pain.

Now, If you are an annoying little twit that gets off on that kind of shit, by all means, Ignore your dentist. Otherwise, DO NOT DO IT !

I did.

And now I have pain. Horrid, awful, excrciating, bamboo under your pinky nails kind of pain. The kind of pain that makes you wonder what body part you will offer up as sacrifice to what ever deity you decide just so that the pain in your mouth will GO THE FUCK AWAY!

I gave up my penis. No really. Its not a bad trade. I kid, he comes for the penis next week. I kid. Well, maybe I don't. So anyways....

Don't ignore your dentist.

You will love me for reminding you, and when you die, say hello to my penis, God will be holding it as a bargaining chip for the next time I ignore my dentist.

On Stupidity and the thinning of the herd.






Today I would like to take a moment to lower my head, (you do the same thing) to pray for all of those on our planet who are so STUPID. I would also (at this moment) like to thank the Virgin Mary, pictured for you heathens who know nothing of Mary, (Jeez) for personally assisting in the picking and choosing of those who are being selected for immediate thinning from the herd.
Now please, before you get offended, I am only saying that SOMEONE has to pray for these idiots on our planet who do dumb things and then die. I also firmly believe that there has to be some Saint out there somewhere who is responsible for sitting at some helm with a giant dashboard of blinking lights who gets to pick and choose which bonehead is coming home to stay today. I choose The Virgin Mary for this great honor.I mean c'mon. She's the only one who (apparently) didn't choose to do something (have sex) and then wind up having to deal with consequences of an action she took. After all, no one even asked her, they just told her right? "Hey Lady, guess what, you're preggers! woohoo!" If it had been me, my first thought would have been, "What the F....., oh wait, nope, I didn't even do THAT!".



So that's why she gets to choose in my humble opinion.


I write this today solely because of an article I read on AOL this morning as I sipped my coffee. "Extreme Skier Dies After Tragic Plunge". I immediately paused after reading this. WTF?
Shouldn't that say

EXTREME SKIER DIES EXPECTEDLY AFTER PLANNED PLUNGE

Holy Mary Full of Grace, I promise to try to make good decisions today. I will not jump off of buildings for no real apparent reason, nor will I attempt to beat a red light in my car just for the hell of it. I will wear a condom if I (please please please) get the chance to have sex and I promise not to blame anyone else if I die because I smoke cigarettes. Amen.

Please be careful out there everybody. The Virgin Mary is Watching.

Blog title explained..............maybe.

Ok. So.

When I was a wee lad, my mother, (God love her) used to send me to the store to buy her cigarettes. This was ofcourse waaaaaaay before all the 18 and up crap that has taken control of the collective community watchdog communistic PTA's.

She always sent me to the corner store with the back lip of an envelope that she had torn off. Written on the back of this precious leaflet was "Benson and Hedges Menthol Lights Flip top box custom case 100's. (Green Box)" I have never been able to forget that. And no matter how many times I went to the store for them, she never quite trusted me to get the right ones, so she always made me carry this little slip of paper with all of that written on the back.

To this day, I want to walk into the store and say...."I want a pack of Marlboro Light 100's Custom Case flip top box (White Box please)." But I never get the chance.

Sad isn't it?

In the beginning.........

There really isn't a point to starting anything if you don't do it from the beginning. Otherwise, you just seem rather random.

So....

This is where I'm from. Ogdensburg, New York. Shining Star of the Stinking St. Lawrence River. I hated it then, and I hate it now. I have no desire to ever return there (with the nagging exception of a possible return for a class reunion that I am absolutely dreading. 20 years on the run from this hole in the wall and now, alas, I may yet consider the trek.) I will keep all posted re. this possible journey.

If I do go, it will make for one hell of a good read.